Walking in the Valley A bi-weekly column for those who live and walk in Silicon Valley by Barbara Dahlgren

Being Thankful in All Things Column for the weeks of November 16-30, 2005

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Psalm 107: 8-9 " Oh that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness, and for His wonderful works to the children of men! For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness."

God is good and we should never cease to thank him for his many blessings. But blessings are more than just physical possessions. Sometimes we can be thankful for what we don’t have. I remember reading a poem about that many years ago. For example, we can be thankful when we don’t know something because we have the opportunity to learn. We can be thankful when we don’t have everything so we have something to look forward to. We can be thankful for mistakes if we use them to learn valuable lessons. We can be thankful for challenges if they build strength and character. We can be thankful for limitations if they spur us on to improve. We can even be thankful for the difficult times in life for they can help us grow.

Thankfulness for difficult times doesn’t come instantly. Even the Bible indicates there is a time to weep, mourn, or grieve. (Eccl. 3:4)

Recently my friend Lori went to the hospital to have an ovary removed. It was supposed to be a routine operation but in the midst of surgery, her doctor found cancer. Both ovaries were removed along with her uterus, lymph nodes and to quote Lori “everything but the kitchen sink.” She awoke from her routine operation to find out she had cancer. It took about a week to get the results from tests to see the extent of the damage. She asked me to go with her to the doctor to find out the news.

The news was good and bad. The good news was: It was a stage 2 cancer (stage 5 being the worst). It was grade 2 cancer meaning it wasn’t really good but it wasn’t really bad cancer. It looked like they got it all. It didn’t look like it had spread to other parts of her body. The bad news was: She would need chemotherapy. She would lose her hair. Without the chemo there was a 90% chance the cancer would return.

As we were driving home, Lori, a Christian who always has a positive outlook on life felt guilty for feeling sad. She knew she should feel grateful she was alive and her prognosis was very good but she couldn’t help feeling bad. Being thankful doesn’t mean you are in a constant state of “I’m glad this happened because I can learn something from it” all the time. If your house burns down and every physical possession you own is gone, you can be happy you are still alive but it’s okay to feel sad for what you’ve lost. Lori had the horse before the cart. She needed to give herself a little time to grieve without guilt before she could truly be thankful for what she had.

When ill and suffering loved ones die, we can be thankful they are not suffering anymore or they’ve gone to be with the Lord but it is okay to mourn our loss. Only then can we appreciate the time we had with them here on earth.

Someone related a true story about meeting an old friend, a victim of hurricane Katrina, at a church service in the New Orleans area. A tear trickled down his friend’s face as he recounted how he had lost everything. It was sad and the young man was still processing all that had happened. Then he put his hand around his wife and 6 month old baby and said, “But I still have everything that really counts: my wife, my child, and God.”

After the grieving process, it is usually those who’ve lost the most who know what to be truly thankful for. Yet we who have so much gripe because we don’t have more, complain because of minor set backs, and impatiently harp on the inadequacies of others.

My prayer during this Thanksgiving season is that we be thankful for what we have and for what we don’t have, realizing that God can use both situations to draw us close to him.

Be sure to visit this page often to read the next edition of Walking in the Valley. You can write to the author at bdahlgren@wcgsouthbay.org.