Walking in the Valley A weekly column for those who live and walk in Silicon Valley by Barbara Dahlgren

The Hands That Rock the Cradles Column for the week of May 5-11, 2002

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William Ross Wallace said, "For the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world." This may not be far from the truth. Teddy Roosevelt, Harry Truman, Dwight Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy, Douglas MacArthur, Franklin Roosevelt, Lyndon Johnson, and George Patton were all considered "momma's boys" when they were growing up. Thomas Edison was labeled a dunce in school but his mom believed in him. She decided to home school her son, allowing him to do his scientific experiments in the basement and the rest as they say is history. Edison had this to say of his mom, "If it had not been for her appreciation and her faith in me, I should never likely have become an inventor."

Not only moms can have great influence on their children, so can step moms. Not all stepmothers resemble Cinderella's. Abraham Lincoln said, "All that I am or hope to be, I owe my mother." Some say he could be referring to his step mother here because his biological mother, Nancy Hanks Lincoln, although a loving woman, died when he was 9 of milk sickness. Sarah Bush Johnston Lincoln became his stepmother when he was 10. He always described her as a "good and kind mother" and referred to her as "Mother" in his letters. It is said that her love and character helped mold Lincoln into the leader he became. Years later he would retain a 40-acre plot of land in his name for "Mother while she lives."

Stepmothers don't get a lot of credit in today's society. It's a difficult position to be in because no one can really replace your mom. That's not what stepmothers generally want to do anyway. I was in my early twenties with two little girls when my wonderful, blessed mother died. Then my dad started dating Marie. It was an awkward situation. You see, I didn't know if he would marry Marie or not so I had the kids call her "Aunt Marie." Then they did get married but my kids were used to calling her "Aunt Marie" instead of "Grandma" so they continued to call her that until they were old enough to question why Grandpa was married to "Aunt Marie." Aunts should be married to uncles, shouldn't they? It sort of reminded me of that old song, "I'm My Own Grandpa." But I digress.

It bothered me to see my dad dating. It bothered me to see him treat Marie better than he had treated my mom. Not that he was mean to my mother. He wasn't. It's just that you know what it's like when you're dating. You have that "want to be congenial and happy all the time" demeanor. My dad had to explain to me that if you're smart, you learn a lot about what not to do the second time around. When they got married I was happy for my dad but I was sad for me because my mother was gone, she was never coming back, and I missed her. Therefore, I didn't really appreciate Marie the way I should.

Well, that was over 25 years ago and let me tell you, Marie is a saint. She has more than paid her dues in this crazy family. She's a good, kind, Christian woman. She never has an unkind word to say about anyone. She has an adventuresome spirit. You say, "Let's go!" and she's ready. She even went parasailing when she was in her late 60s. She a smart cookie and has an insatiable thirst for knowledge. She's a hard worker. She's a visionary and a survivor. She makes the most beautiful quilts in the whole wide world and that is not an exaggeration. And the way she lovingly cares for my father not only warms my heart, it amazes me. I'm happy when my kids call her "Grandma" and I'm proud to call her "Mom!"

Mother's Day is a week away. If you have a mother, stepmother, aunt, grandmother, cousin, good friend, wife, any female who is special to you, let her know. (Exodus 20:12, Proverbs 15:23) A card, a letter, a note can mean a lot to a person, especially a woman. These are the hands that rock the cradles. They may not rule the world but they sure make it a better place to live in.

©May 2002

Be sure to visit this page every week to read the next edition of Walking in the Valley. You can write to the author at bydahlgren@aol.com.