Walking in the Valley A weekly column for those who live and walk in Silicon Valley by Barbara Dahlgren

Revenge May Be Sweet... Column for the week of October 17-23, 2004

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Swiss scientists have found revenge is indeed sweet for humans. They monitored brains of men as they played a little game where they could double cross or help each other. When one was given the choice of retaliating against a double crosser or just cutting his losses, around 90% chose the revenge path even if he had to pay heavily for it. Brain scans revealed intense pleasure was experience by getting revenge. Just thinking about getting even produced pleasure bursts…the greater the punishment, the greater the pleasure.

Mankind’s nature is one of retaliating, getting even, seeking revenge. It’s only natural this action would release certain natural “chemicals” into the body producing pleasurable feelings, a type of temporary euphoria, a high so to speak. The same feelings can be found in drugs, alcohol, sex, loud music, gambling, food and various other pleasures. Now don’t get me wrong. I agree with C. S. Lewis who said, “Pleasure is God's invention, not Satan's.” Unfortunately when pleasure is taken to an extreme, more and more is needed to produce that feeling. So the highs must get higher which make the lows even lower. People can become addicted to “pleasure.” The really big mistake occurs by thinking pleasure is the same as happiness. It’s not. Although pleasure is easier to come by, it doesn’t always produce a healthy result.

In fact, taking revenge or fostering an unforgiving attitude can be detrimental to your health. To quote the September 27, 2004 Newsweek article entitled Forgive and Let Live by Jordana Lewis and Jerry Adler, “Persistent unforgiveness is part of human nature but it appears to work to the detriment not just of our spiritual well-being but our physical health as well.” Everett Worthington, executive director for A Campaign for Forgiveness Research says, “It happens down the line but every time you feel unforgiveness you are more likely to develop a health problem.” This area of research is becoming most prominent in clinical psychology today. Over 1200 studies have been documented. Research shows unforgiveness can cause problems like “increased blood pressure and hormonal changes – linked to cardiovascular disease, immune suppression and possibly impaired neurological function and memory.” It leaves one in a constant state of stress (now believed a factor in up to 90% of all doctor visits) by producing anger, bitterness, hatred, and resentment.

It is said, “If you devote your life to seeking revenge, first dig two graves.” (I thought James Bond originated this saying in For Your Eyes Only but it’s really attributed to Confucius. Both are highly regarded intellectuals!) Whoever said it knew what he was talking about. It’s not easy to forego the “natural” temptation to be vengeful. Forgiveness is a “process not a moment,” according to Edward M. Hallowell, author of Dare to Forgive. It’s an attitude that must be cultivated. Extroverts are more likely to foster a forgiving nature than loners. They usually have friends and family to help them with perspective on the process. Still others may find help in meditation exercises, deep breathing, and prayer.

Be sure to visit this page every week to read the next edition of Walking in the Valley. You can write to the author at bdahlgren@wcgsouthbay.org.