Walking in the Valley A bi-weekly column for those who live and walk in Silicon Valley by Barbara Dahlgren

A Politically Correct Christmas Column for the weeks of December 1-15, 2005

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The day after Thanksgiving officially kicked off another politically correct holiday shopping season. (To use the term “Christmas” shopping would be politically incorrect.) Stores enticed shoppers with early-bird bargains, opening at the unholy hour of 5 o’clock in the morning. It’s called Black Friday by the retail industry because this big shopping day is when many stores hope to be in the “black” ink (profit) as opposed to the “red” ink (debt). However store employees have a different feeling about the term. To them it describes the stressful and hectic nature of the day which may be more accurate.

In our area the bargain hunting frenzy got quite exciting as police were called to soothe the savage shoppers. It seems they were charging forward, leaping over counters, and crunching a display case to the ground in an effort to get some HP laptop computers that normally sell for $400, at the gigantic savings price of $378. That’s a whopping $22 savings folks…a little over 5%. I don’t know about you but I don’t get out of bed to go shopping at 5 a.m. for less than 10% and I certainly don’t start knocking fellow shoppers, clerks, and display cases around for less than 20%.

Of course this kind of behavior is considered politically correct whereas other aspects of Christmas are not. Some cities can’t put up a nativity scene or Menorah unless they put up enough non-religious symbols to even it out. Another city even banned Santa from the Christmas tree lighting. South London caused a stir this year by changing the phrase “Christmas Lights” to “Winter Lights.” Some schools in Florida ban the Christmas tree altogether. One school was forbidden to go to see the classic play A Christmas Carol because it was about Christmas. Denver has been debating over whether to exclude a church group from participating in its annual Parade of Lights show because they want to sing Christmas carols. Some schools do not allow any Christmas carols sung. A New Jersey high school’s brass ensemble is no longer permitted to play any instrumental songs if they are centered on Jesus or Santa because “if you’re familiar with the tune, you know the words.” Businesses aren’t having “Christmas” parties anymore but rather holiday parties with no secret Santa gifts. Some stores are instructing their employees not to say, “Merry Christmas” this year.

You can’t really blame establishments for being guarded about these things. Our litigation happy society has given credence to even the most bizarre and frivolous lawsuits. City councils, schools and businesses can be sued for just about anything they do. They would rather err on the side of caution by taking the “C” word out of Christmas.

How does one go through the Christmas season without offending anyone of color, creed, religious or personal belief in the remotest way, shape or form and still be open-minded, tolerant, and diverse? Is it possible to have a politically correct Christmas? Can everyone be represented equally: Christians, Jews, Hindus, Agnostics, Muslims, Atheists, etc…?

I guess we would definitely have to change the name because Christ is in Christmas. We could call it the Federal holiday formerly known as Christmas. Or something like “Non Religious Winter Celebration Day” might suffice. Or what about “Let’s Give Everyone a Gift Day?” Although, “Merry Midwinter Festival” is a little long and doesn’t have the same ring as “Merry Christmas,” I guess we’ll adjust.

“Frosty the Snowman” should really be “Frosty the Snowperson.” “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” could be “I’m Dreaming of a White Winter.” Rudolph will probably be the only reindeer left after the Humane Society releases the other 8 back into the wild, so better go easy on teasing him about his red nose. “Go Tell It on the Mountain” should be “Don’t Tell It on the Mountain” because that would be forcing our beliefs on others. Santa should slim down. Cutting down a tree might not be environmentally safe. Holly might be an endangered plant species. Elves are non-union. Angels are out; definitely too religious. Mary, Joseph, Wise Men, Christ…take a hike. No need for the Grinch to steal Christmas...it will already be gone.

I can’t wait until we do a politically correct Easter! The bunny-egg thing has always had me a little baffled! And Fourth of July fireworks have got to be offensive to immigrants. Veterans Day must offend conscientious objectors. It seems to me this politically correct crowd can pretty much ruin every holiday if we let them.

I’m all for America being culturally sensitive but not at the cost of losing our own traditions. In trying to accommodate the wishes of everyone in an unbalanced way we sometimes end up with nothing left to celebrate.

In this age of political correctness gone wild, will our nation finally succeed in throwing the baby Jesus out with the left over wrapping paper? I hope not! In my foolish, optimistic view, I still feel that Jesus is the reason for the season. After all, Christmas is what you personally make it to be. In my heart, without Christ, there is no Christmas.

Be sure to visit this page often to read the next edition of Walking in the Valley. You can write to the author at bdahlgren@wcgsouthbay.org.