Walking in the Valley A weekly column for those who live and walk in Silicon Valley by Barbara Dahlgren

Politics Takes a Mud Bath Column for the week of September 7-13, 2003

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The newspapers keep informing us that there are only 39 more days until the recall election. Only 38 more days to the recall election. Only 37 days to the recall election. It kind of reminds me of when they always list the last shopping days before Christmas. Of course we will be able to tell how close we are to the election by how much mud is being slung. And the way to tell if a candidate for governor is a threat to anyone is to measure how much mud they are wearing. The trend seems to be if you can’t beat them fair and square just sling some mud at them. Actually even if you can beat them fair and square, sling some mud anyway.

In order to enter into the spirit of the election I have decided to sling a little mud of my own. Since I am an equal opportunity mudslinger these quotes attack not just one person or party but politics in general. I’m not sure when politics became such a dirty business but some of these quotes are pretty old. There are even some choice jabs from the greatest philosopher of all, Anon. I wonder if he was a Democrat or Republican?

“We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.” Aesop

“I've always said that in politics, your enemies can't hurt you, but your friends will kill you.” Ann Richards

“The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who'd stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn't bother to stop because they'd want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club.” Dave Barry

“The biggest problem with political jokes is that they get elected!” Anon

“In our age there is no such thing as ‘keeping out of politics.’ All issues are political issues, and politics itself is a mass of lies, evasions, folly, hatred and schizophrenia.”
George Orwell

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.” Groucho Marx

“Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.” Lily Tomlin

“We need a law that will allow a voter to sue a candidate for breach of promise.” Anon

“The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.” Mark Twain

Feel free to substitute California for Texas in this next one. “Good thing we've still got politics in Texas -- finest form of free entertainment ever invented.” Molly Ivins

“Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.”
Robert Louis Stevenson

“Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.” Ronald Reagan

“Politics – ‘Poli’ meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘blood sucking creatures.’” Anon

“You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.” Jon Stewart

“Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even when there is no river.” Nikita Khrushchev

What about God? Is he a Democrat or Republican? According to this quote he’s nonpartisan. “Although he's regularly asked to do so, God does not take sides in American politics.” George J. Mitchell

The Bible says to pray for those who are in authority. (1 Timothy 2:1-2) These quotes tell you why. And if you forget how many days we have until the recall election just look at the next edition of any California newspaper.

Be sure to visit this page every week to read the next edition of Walking in the Valley. You can write to the author at bdahlgren@wcgsouthbay.org.