Walking in the Valley A bi-weekly column, featuring one Christian's (a)musings on life's journey by Barbara Dahlgren

Midlife Melancholy Column for the weeks of March 1-15, 2008

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The good news is: according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), suicide rates for teens has only increased 2% and decreased for those 65 or older. The bad news is: the suicide rate among 45-54 year-old men has increased nearly 20% and among women in the same age category, 31%. This gives a whole new meaning to midlife crisis.

Experts are baffled! Americans have more, more, more of everything, yet feel less, less, less satisfied. Some lean toward the use and abuse of prescription drugs as a possible cause for the suicide increase, since the CDC also reports more Americans now die from misuse of prescription drugs – including antidepressants, painkillers, and sleeping pills – than from heroin and cocaine. Celebrity Heath Ledger’s death seemed to reinforce this idea, when he recently died of a lethal combination of six different medications.

As a self-medicated society, there seems to be a pill to accommodate every mood or disorder. We have pills to wake us up and put us to sleep. We have pills for pain or just mild discomfort. Even sadness is treated as a mental disorder. According to the official diagnostic manual used by mental-health professionals, depression is defined as two consecutive weeks of despondency, diminished pleasure in life, and/or difficulties in sleeping or eating. It matters not that you may have a reason to feel sad such as the death of a loved one, a job loss, or a life threatening illness. If you can’t cope with a major setback in two weeks, you are labeled depressed and given a pill.

This type of quick-fix diagnosis does a disservice to psychologists trying to help the genuinely depressed who may actually need medication. Is it any wonder that if we aren’t happy all the time, we feel like something is wrong? Add to this a media montage telling us we aren’t thin enough, pretty enough, rich enough, smart enough, talented enough, or young enough, it’s no wonder mid-lifers are dissatisfied.

Of course, the midlife years have always been a time of reflection. With one’s life supposedly half over, we try to reevaluate whom we are and what we want to do with the rest of our lives. Factor in anxiety about growing older and comparisons to others or unattainable standards set by advertising, it is easy to see how this period of time segued from what was once called the “midlife transition” into a “midlife crisis,” a term introduced in 1965 by psychoanalyst and social scientist Elliot Jaques. How do we cope with all of this midlife melancholy without becoming suicidal?

The roots of these feelings run deeper than physical dissatisfaction with life. We all want to feel significant in some way – to leave a positive mark on society and those around us. When the midyears hit, we realize many of our youthful dreams will never come true. It can be disappointing. Even if those dreams come true, it can leave us unfulfilled and wanting more. We are dissatisfied. So either way, almost any path looks better than the one we’ve taken.

Mid-lifers search in all the wrong places to fill the void of lost youth, unrealized dreams, or discontentment. Using the midlife crisis as an excuse, they have an extra-marital affair, get plastic surgery, buy a new convertible, or switch jobs – finding out all too late that these outward appearances cannot replace the emptiness inside. Perhaps that’s when suicide looks appealing.

Society has made it easy to bail out. Just a handful of pills, an endless sleep and all feelings of inadequacy are over. But is midlife suicide a solution or a symptom of our sick society? Society tells us we must be happy all the time. Society tells us ever so subtly that we will never measure up: we are not young enough, pretty enough, thin enough, rich enough or smart enough. Even religion makes us feel we are not good enough and we do not do enough. This “enough” syndrome leaves people feeling helpless and hopeless, making that void in our lives seem even bigger.

Let me tell you a secret. There is a little empty space in all of us that we by ourselves can never fill up, no matter how hard we try. There is not “enough” of anything in our physical lives to take care of this void. God created us this way. One might call it a little glitch God put in the human design. Only he can supply this need.

This is not as complicated as one might think. God is not some far away entity, separating himself from us until we are worthy of his presence. He is here! This good news is enhanced when we realize we don’t have to earn his approval, respect or love. He accepts us regardless of our appearance, how much money we have, how successful we are, what kind of car we drive, how much we do, how bad or good we are – whether we are young, old, or middle aged. All we have to do is believe in Jesus Christ as 1 John 3:23 instructs, and embrace him. As we embrace him, he embraces us.

Society makes us feel worthless, then supplies an easy means for our demise, a way to ease our pain permanently. God never promised a life without pain. His purpose is not to shield us from all hurt, stop us from aging or make us rich and beautiful. But if we let him, God will walk with us through every crisis we face – even in midlife. His presence in our lives makes us significant and valuable, for he is the “enough” we need (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Be sure to visit this page often to read the next edition of Walking in the Valley. You can write to the author at bdahlgren@wcgsouthbay.org.