Walking in the Valley A bi-weekly column, featuring one Christian's (a)musings on life's journey by Barbara Dahlgren

Me! Me! Me! Column for the weeks of July 16-30, 2007

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An article in the March 12, 2007 issue of U.S. News and World Report entitled “It’s All Me” interviews San Diego State psychology professor Jean Twenge whose recent study produced a report called “Egos Inflating Over Time.” Her conclusion – young people today are dangerously narcissistic. This is not news to Twenge who cautioned America about this trend in her 2006 book Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled -- and More Miserable Than Ever Before.

The root of the word narcissistic comes from a Greek mythological character named Narcissus, a hero renowned for his beauty. He rejected the advances of a suitor and was punished by falling in love with his own reflection.

According to the Mayo Clinic narcissism is a personality trait which manifests itself with a higher regard and love of oneself than for others. People with narcissistic personality traits can be irritatingly arrogant, proud, confident, self-centered and determined to succeed. However, those with narcissistic disorders are worse because they have an unrealistic view of their skills or worth and are very dependent on praise to sustain a healthy self esteem.

This dependence on constant praise is spilling into the work place. Wall Street Journal’s Jeffery Zaslow addresses the issue in Most Praised Generation Crave Kudos at the Office. The children who got a trophy for just showing up to the game even though they didn’t win are expecting praise for just doing things required of them – like their jobs. We aren’t talking about going above and beyond. We’re talking about showing up to work. Bill Nelson who is considered the “Guru of Thank You” counsels companies on how to praise their employees. Nelson feels those over 60 might say, “Yes, I get recognition every week. It’s called a paycheck.” Younger workers prefer constant verbal recognition and perhaps massages, high tech gadgets, or name brand merchandise – plus the paycheck.

One concern with this praise oriented society is that words tend to lose their meaning. How can being “special” really be “special” if everyone around you is “special” even though we may all be “special” in our own “special” way? In addition, Twenge’s studies have found that ego-stroking does not lead to happiness.

Ah, happiness – the goal that seems to elude us. The medical profession now treats unhappiness like a disease. The same drugs used to relieve clinical depression are now prescribed by primary care doctors for people who complain of any kind of dissatisfaction with their lives. How dare we be dissatisfied and perhaps change our modus operandi! After all, we are blitzed by media telling us we deserve – not just deserve but are entitled to all the good things in life right now – especially happiness! A philosophy we literally buy into and have the credit card bills to prove it. According to the Jan 26, 2007 issure of The Week magazine three out of four teens told researchers they’d be happier if they had more money – to spend on themselves – which brings us back to that “Me! Me! Me!” attitude. I guess to some loving oneself is the greatest love of all. Wouldn’t that make a catchy song? Oh, right – Whitney Houston already recorded it!

Narcissism existed in Biblical times as well. Humans have an innate tendency to want to look good to others and take the glory instead of giving it to God. I guess there really is nothing new under the sun – just more of it.

Spiritually speaking they call this SELF-righteousness and it is cautioned against throughout the Bible. Take the example of the publican (tax collector not exactly liked by people) and the Pharisee (religious teacher in the Jewish world) in Luke 18:10-14:

The Pharisee was self absorbed. “Look how great I am!” “Look how much better I am than everyone else.” “Look at my good deeds.” “Look at Me, Me, Me!” However, it was the humble publican who found favor with God.

Loving oneself isn’t necessarily wrong. The Bible says to love your neighbor as you love yourself (Matthew 22) – so loving yourself is okay. But when it crosses over into narcissism, you’re asking for trouble. Cause in the end, whether you believe it or not, true happiness comes after you realize life isn’t all about “Me! Me! Me!”

Be sure to visit this page often to read the next edition of Walking in the Valley. You can write to the author at bdahlgren@wcgsouthbay.org.