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Walking in the Valley
A bi-weekly column, featuring one Christian's (a)musings on life's journey
by Barbara Dahlgren |
You’ve Got to Be Kidding – 2007
Column for the weeks of January 16-31, 2008 |
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Most journalists keep a stock pile of clipped articles, obscure facts and ideas for future writing projects. Part of my end of the year ritual is to go through my stock pile and whittle it down. Invariably there are some articles I probably will never use, but the subject matter is so unbelievable, I just can’t bring myself to toss them without sharing the info with someone – anyone.
So as magazine articles, newspapers, blogs, and TV shows regale you with reflections of 2007 – listing everything from the biggest news stories to the best and worst politicians, movies, TV shows, books, songs, vehicles, sports moments, and performing stocks, I shall institute my “You’ve Got to Be Kidding, But I’m Not List” for 2007. Here are my top twelve true stories from my almost discarded clip file, not in any particular order.
1. Last November Lynne Spears, mother of messed up Brittany and 16 year old pregnant Jamie, was slated to write a memoir and parenting manual to be released around Mother’s Day 2008. As if that wasn’t bizarre enough, the book was going to be published by Thomas Nelson Inc. who specializes in inspirational books and bibles. The book is currently delayed – but not cancelled.
2. The blind and/or visually impaired now have their very own pornographic website, SoundsDirty.com. Plants can now indulge in pornography as well, through the genius of filmmaker Jonathan Keats. His movie Cinema Botanica features graphic footage of flowers in the “acts” of pollination. Keats hopes the film will “titillate” bored and lonely houseplants.
3. Delcambre, LA passed a law banning the wearing of extremely baggy pants. This baggy pants or anti sag ordinance carries a penalty of 6 months in jail or a $500 fine. Similar laws have been proposed in Florida, Texas, Virginia, Connecticut and Georgia.
4. An IBM employee (James Pacenza) who was fired for frequenting an adult chat room while at work sued the company for $5 million claiming he’s an Internet sex addict protected by the Americans with Disabilities Act.
5. A Brazilian brewery had to pay $49,000 to a former beer taster who claimed his job turned him into an alcoholic.
6. A woman (Caryl Dontfraid) fired by a New York law firm sued the firm for $33 million because she wasn’t given a desk near a window.
7. A Colorado jail inmate (Scott Gomez Jr.) injured himself while breaking out of jail. He is suing because the guards should have done more to stop him.
8. Last October the City Council of Belmont, CA voted to ban residents from smoking in their own apartments.
9. Last year the Vatican purchased controlling interest in Italy’s AC Ancona soccer club. The pope wants to clean up the game.
10. In September the Venezuela’s National Electoral Council introduced a bill to ban parents from giving their children “extravagant or difficult-to-pronounce” names.
11. A couple of hot new trends surfaced for the rich in 2007. When the wealthy wanted to go camping they paid around $600 a night (plus $110 per person for food) for a heated tent with electricity and artwork on the walls, a butler, and a chef. Talk about roughing it!!!! Also for those with more money than brains – trendy executives and professionals would rent a pet rather than own one. For just $39.95 per day plus a $75 charge if returned late, they could feed, walk, play with and pooper scoop for Fido – just like the common folk do.
12. After years of scriptural research a California perfume company introduced the world’s first biblical themed fragrance called “Virtue.” Costing $80 for 1.7 ounces “Virtue” has a blend of 3,000-year-old scents including apricot, frankincense and myrrh. The goal is to smell like Christ and the saints. I would think a better goal would be to emulate Christ, not smell like Christ – but what do I know????
So there you have it – my “You’ve Got to Be Kidding, But I’m Not List” for 2007. I’m already clipping articles for next year’s list! No kidding!
Be sure to visit this page often to read the
next edition of Walking in the Valley.
You can write to the author at bdahlgren@wcgsouthbay.org.
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