Walking in the Valley A bi-weekly column, featuring one Christian's (a)musings on life's journey by Barbara Dahlgren

One Thing I Really Hate Column for the weeks of June 16-30, 2007

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Proverbs 6:16-19 says there are six things – yea, seven things God hates:

1. A proud look
2. Lying tongues
3. Hands that kill the innocent
4. Hearts plotting evil
5. Feet running to do wrong
6. False witnesses
7. Sowers of discord among the brethren

I’m afraid my hate list would be yea – a little longer. Of course, hate is a strong word. Some things just irritate me. Others, I really, really, really hate – like chain letters. I hate chain letters!!!!

Some chain letters promise everything from riches to good luck to “whatever.” Just follow the directions – send a dollar, send a postcard, send a recipe, send good wishes, send “whatever” to the first person on the list, copy the letter and send it to 10 of your friends. Then in short time $50,000 or 50,000 postcards or 50,000 recipes or 50,000 “whatevers” will be yours. It doesn’t matter that the claims being made are mathematically impossible. Who wouldn’t like to be a millionaire overnight? We like to “believe” these things will happen, so we pass it on.

“Pass it on” has become a red flag that magnetically pulls my finger to the delete button (or trash can if it comes in the form of snail mail).

Some chain letters want you to help Bill Gates, Disney, Applebees, or Nike test an e-mail tracking program. If you forward the message on to others you could receive $1000, a trip to Disney World, a dinner for two, or a new pair of shoes for your trouble. Or if you forward certain e-mails, a funny video will spring to life on your computer monitor and win cash for you. Believe it or not, companies just don’t use chain letters to give away money or products.

Altruistic chain letters are sent for the benefit of others. You are not sending money so you will receive anything, but to help the Make-a-Wish Foundation fulfill the dream of a dying child. Never mind that this foundation has stated repeatedly it doesn’t operate this way. Perhaps someone needs a tumor operation or a new wheelchair. You can help if you just “pass on” the message to others.

I especially like the e-mails that say, “I did not make this up!” I’m so thankful. Yet, some bozo with a great deal of time on his hands did. And he took the time to add, “It really works” or “This is true!” Yeah, right!

The Guinness Book of World Records is another favorite. An ailing kid in England needs so many business cards to make it into Guinness. Some child has a school project where you add your first name to a list to see how many people have the same name. The sender knows you will “pass it on” because you are so nice.

Well guess what? I’m not all that nice and most of my real friends know it!

My philosophy is as follows: I would rather lose one friend (the one who sends me the chain letter) than 10 (the ones I send the chain letter to) or 100 plus (the number in my e-mail address list) – so I never pass them on.

A new form of chain letter wants you to pass around prayers for the troops, “I love you” notes, poems, tidbits about Jesus, etc. I received a lovely message from someone who said he was passing it on to 5 of the most dynamic women he’d ever known. I noticed he copied 50 people – men and women – which made me feel “real” special. Truth be told, I would come nearer breaking my philosophical rule if these messages weren’t accompanied by guilt trips like the following (which I actually received):

“This chain letter is to see how popular you are. Don't feel embarrassed because only you will get the results. First send it to every friend that you have online. If they send it back then they truly are your friend. If they delete it then they never were…”

“ If you believe in God and in Jesus Christ His Son …send this to all on your buddy list … if not just ignore it. If you ignore it, just remember that Jesus said, ‘If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven.’...”

“Just in case I haven't told you lately... I LOVE You!!! Please pass some of this love on to others....suppose one morning you were called to God; do all your friends know you love them?”

“If you are too busy to witness, to pass on this e-mail about Jesus, then God's too busy to write your name in the Book of Life…”

Well, folks, I think God is too busy hating the haughty, the liars, the killers, the evil plotters, the wrong doers, the false witnesses, and the discord sowers to blot my name out of the Book of Life because I didn’t pass along an e-mail message. If you are so inclined, feel free to send that to 100 of your very closest friends.

P.S. www.kohomban.net/fun/chain_letter.shtml has some dandy chain letters. I’m not asking you to pass them on, but if you like chain letters – these are worth a look!

Be sure to visit this page often to read the next edition of Walking in the Valley. You can write to the author at bdahlgren@wcgsouthbay.org.